A Father’s InAction : The Business of Christian Education LXIII

¹Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. ² And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. ³ But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. ⁴ And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” ⁵ Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’ ” ⁶ So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

⁷ Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” ⁸ So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. ⁹ And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. ¹⁰ Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. ¹¹ But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” ¹² She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. ¹³ As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be
as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” ¹⁴ But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” ¹⁶ But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. ¹⁷ He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” ¹⁸ Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. ¹⁹ And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.

²⁰ And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. ²¹ When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. ²² But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.

2 Samuel 13:1-22

           

            2 Samuel 13:1-22 depicts a painful story that rocked the royal family of King David.  In fact, the continuation of this story proved to be devastating to the house of David.  True that this event had been prophesied by Nathan in response to David’s sin with Bathsheba and his pre meditated murder of Uriah the Hittite (cf. 2 Samuel 11 and 12).  But the problem that arose in the royal family was caused by David’s own inability to act justly, to Amnon and also Tamar.

This passage clearly shows how Amnon, advised by his cousin Jonadab, tricked David and then Tamar.  His single intention was to lay with Tamar.  Instead of going through the proper way, Amnon raped Tamar.  Tamar did suggest for Amnon to go to David and ask her hand in marriage.  But for some reason Amnon did not heed Tamar’s suggestion.  This passage did not disclose Amnon’s reasoning for refusing Tamar’s plea.  The possibility for his refusal perhaps could be found in Leviticus 18:9 & 11 that command:

⁹ You shall not uncover the nakedness of your sister, your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether brought up in the family or in another home. ….  ¹¹ You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, brought up in your father’s family, since she is your sister.

It is likely that Amnon knew about this law, and so he feared that asking his father for Tamar’s hand in marriage would be met with refusal and humiliation.  His knowledge of this law might explain why he was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her (2 Samuel 13:2).  Thus Jonadab’s cunning advice to trick David and Tamar, which eventually led to the rape.

            This evil scheme ended up in yet worse scenario for Tamar.  After being raped, instead of then being cuddled, consoled, and loved by Amnon, Tamar was despised.  The story depicts Amnon terrible conduct in verse 15:

¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.

No explanation is given on how his love turned to hatred drastically and suddenly.  One interpretation is to look at Amnon’s psychology, in which Amnon did not really love Tamar.  Amnon was fixated to Tamar.  But the drive of his fixation was not love.  It was lust.  And so soon after he tasted the sexual experience, he suddenly lost his fond feeling for Tamar.  Added with the natural consequences that could befall him, he chose to get rid of Tamar as soon as possible.  And so he told Tamar to go away.  This scenario was worse for Tamar.  For she was disgraced and kicked out as if she was a prostitute.  The better scenario was that Amnon was supposed to take Tamar as his wife.  That hope was dashed to pieces when Amnon refused to hear Tamar the second time.  And so Amnon committed two terrible sins.  According to the Law of Moses, his raping Tamar should be punished by excommunication.  Leviticus 20:17 states:

¹⁷ “If a man takes his sister, a daughter of his father or a daughter of his mother, and sees her nakedness, and she sees his nakedness, it is a disgrace, and they shall be cut off in the sight of the children of their people. He has uncovered his sister’s nakedness, and he shall bear his iniquity.

The shame and humiliation plus the exclusion from the people would be the punishment for Amnon.  As a member of the royal family, Amnon should be the first to obey God’s law, for the king is the mediation of God to the people.  And the king’s household ought to reflect such status.

            Perhaps Amnon thought that by getting rid of Tamar, he could get away with his evil deed.  Perhaps also because Amnon was the crowned prince (cf. 2 Samuel 3:2) that he thought he could do whatever he wanted.  But his evil scheme was soon known by Absalom, Tamar’s brother.  For Tamar did not keep quiet.  She tore her royal robe, the sign of her royal virgin status, and put ashes on her head as a sign of mourning.  Tamar cried for what had befallen her.  Absalom kept quiet.  But as the story unfolds we know that Absalom avenged Tamar by murdering Amnon later.

            Now, the incident was not kept hidden.  David heard about it.  ²¹ When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry (2 Samuel 13:21).  David was furious upon hearing what happened.  But the surprising thing is that David did not do anything to make it right.  His inaction became the source of further and bigger problems in the future.  The writer of 2 Samuel did not give clues as to why David did not do anything.  As king, David was supposed to judge and straighten out what was crooked.  He was supposed to administer justice.  But he didn’t.  Why?

            As king, it is David’s duty to know the Law.  God gave instructions regarding kings through Moses in Deuteronomy 17:18-20:

¹⁸ “And when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself in a book a copy of this law, approved by the Levitical priests. ¹⁹ And it shall be with him, and he shall read in it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the Lord his God by keeping all the words of this law and these statutes, and doing them, ²⁰ that his heart may not be lifted up above his brothers, and that he may not turn aside from the commandment, either to the right hand or to the left, so that he may continue long in his kingdom, he and his children, in Israel.

It is safe then to assume that David was knowledgeable of the Law.  The law that covers the Amnon-Tamar incident can be found in two places:

¹⁶ “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.”  (Exodus 22:16).

And

²⁸ “If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, ²⁹ then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.  (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

Both of these laws command that the man, in this case Amnon, ought to take the woman, in this case Tamar, to be his wife for as long as he is alive.  Amnon did not do such thing.  But instead, Amnon got rid of her by force.  Knowing these laws alone, should have prompted David to act.  However, these two laws were difficult to follow in Amnon-Tamar’s case because of the other law governing forbidden sexual relations with the daughter of either his father or mother, which in this case Tamar was Amnon’s sister born of his father David, even though from a different mother.  The punishment for transgressing this forbidden sexual relations law is excommunication.  David did not rule either for the violation of this law.  Now, when Tamar was violated by Amnon, there was no mentioning that Tamar cried out for help.  It seemed that she did not totally refuse Amnon.  This might give a clue of Tamar’s fond feeling for Amnon.  Regardless of her feeling, however, the laws should be honored.  David ought to rule.  But David did not do anything to resolve this matter.  He did not even marry Amnon with Tamar so as to take away Tamar’s disgrace and charge Amnon to bear the responsibility of his action.  David, for certain, did not excommunicate Amnon.  But Tamar “excommunicated” herself by secluding herself in Absalom’s house as a desolate woman.  The result of Amnon’s unbridled desire was the devastation of Tamar.  This is injustice.  David should have ruled.  But he did not.

            David’s inaction was a big mistake.  Even though Absalom did not say anything about this to David, he bore a grudge toward Amnon.  This grudge eventually led Absalom to murder Amnon in cold blood.  The snowball effect devastated further the house of David.  Not only Tamar’ life was ruined forever, Amnon too was murdered by his own half brother.  This set chaos in the royal family.  Absalom ran away.  For this murder case, David too did not rule according to the law.  The Law governs:

¹² “Whoever strikes a man so that he dies shall be put to death. ¹³ But if he did not lie in wait for him, but God let him fall into his hand, then I will appoint for you a place to which he may flee. ¹⁴ But if a man willfully attacks another to kill him by cunning, you shall take him from my altar, that he may die.  (Exodus 21:12-14).

In the Ten Commandments, the sixth states: “¹³ “You shall not murder.  (Exodus 20:13, cf. Deuteronomy 5:17).  Absalom hid himself in the city of refuge.  David did not pursue him.  He did not administer justice.  Absalom’s murder was intentional and deliberate.  According to the Law of Moses, Absalom was supposed to be put to death.  David’s inaction brought more devastation.  And this time, not only the royal family that was affected, the entire nation suffered.

            As a father and king, David dealt with serious issues, as described in our passage and the continuing story of Amnon-Tamar, passively.  His inaction brought greater trouble to his family and the entire nation.  God has spoken of this trouble that David had to face for his punishment of committing adultery and murdering Uriah.  David himself seemed to be unable to act with integrity because his integrity had been compromised.  It must have been very difficult for David to bring himself to rule in the Amnon-Tamar’s and Absalom-Amnon’s cases.  For David himself was guilty of sexual sin and murder.  David repented sincerely after Nathan rebuked him.  But he was never the same person afterwards.

            David’s inaction brought more troubles in.  Inaction can be considered as action in itself.  For inactions often act stronger than actions.  If we see a bully is bullying someone right in front of our eyes, and we do not do anything, we might have let more troubles in by our inaction.  How much more, if we have power to actively do something to make straight what is crooked, but we keep our power to ourselves and remain inactive and thus doing nothing to bring about justice, then for certain we have let bigger troubles come in and devastate more.  The Spiderman movie starred by Tobey McGuire illustrates this for our modern mind very well.  In the first installment of Spiderman, Peter Parker just found out about his power.  But he did not yet know what to do with his power.  At that time his main purpose was to get Mary Jane’s attention.  So he thought if he had a car, he could impress Mary Jane.  So he signed up for a wrestling show with the goal to win the prize money.  He won the match but the wrestling manager refused to give him the prize money.  Peter was only given $100.  Peter complained and said that he needed the money, but the manager said: “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”  Peter was angry.  On the way out a robber ran away trying to get to the elevator after robbing the wrestling manager’s money.  And Peter just let the robber get away.  The manager shouted at Peter and said that Peter could have taken down the robber easy.  But Peter paid back the manager with what he just told Peter: “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”  Unfortunately, for Peter, his inaction proved to be fatal.  The robber that he allowed to get away, killed his uncle.  This devastation was unbearable for Peter.  But it was his responsibility to stop the robber in the first place.  Prior to the wrestling show, uncle Ben told him the famous quote of Spiderman 1, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  Peter lost his beloved uncle that night due to his inaction.  David also lost Tamar, Amnon, and later Absalom for his inaction.  David was in the position of power and authority.  He was king.  And he was supposed to rule justly.  His inaction brought terrible problems for his family and the nation Israel.

            Inaction can be fatal.  Especially when one does not act upon justice.  One ought to be inactive when it is about evil.  We should not do evil.  But when we have the power to do good but we do not do it, then disaster creeps in.  In David’s case, a father’s inaction led to a king’s inaction.  Evil reigns when good is not administered properly.